homegrown crises

So, I walked into my house the other weekend to surprise 50% of my
fam, at least, when I was met with an overwhelming number of
pumpkins and bags upon bags of the harvest. Jack-o-lanterns and
Georgia giants crowded the entryway, while sacks of midnight-picked
tomatoes, cukes, squashes, zucchini, and peppers filled a good 25 square
feet of kitchen floor. This besides the garageful of lemon cucumbers * and
the cold storageful of squashes.

What happened? you may ask. What could have brought about such a
garish display of produce? The answer is: mein vader. He gardened a
stunning near half acre this summer, leading to one crisis after another:
the Green Bean Crisis, the Zucchini Crisis, the Crookneck Squash Crisis,
et cetera, culminating in the Current Grande Crisis requiring purchase of
an ICEBOX. (Not to mention the dual Raspberry Crisis that at last count
resulted in 30 batches of freezer jam-no joke.) Our neighbors avoid us.
Jay recently texted me thusly: "Yep. That's right. 3 gallons of homemade
salsa. You missed out."

But, in case of zombie apocalypse, nuclear winter, scurvy, or even just
general college student food-mooching, you can bet I'll be scorching it
up to L-town to partake of that gardeny goodness.

*A lemon cucumber, by the way, is the cucumber's short, fat , ugly, yellow
cousin that resembles nothing so much as the eggs of some homely beetle.
It's tasty though.